Struggling through life is a part of life.

Since making the promise (mainly to myself to publish every Tuesday and Saturday, I’ve been planning what to write about today, the “bonus Tuesday” of the month. I was pretty sure I wanted to do a recipe, and I wanted to keep it simple since the other recipe this month was relatively complicated (at least for my standards). Something quicka nd easy and delicious.

And I couldn’t do it.

I couldn’t be bothered to cook anything. I say “bothered”; it’s more like I didn’t feel up to it. Not only could I not think of anything to make, but I also knew I wouldn’t want to cook because I’ve cooked virtually nothing that didn’t come out of a frozen package all month. I haven’t felt like grocery shopping (and I love grocery shopping). My back has been hurting me again really badly. I haven’t been using my inversion table or my massager for the simple reason that I haven’t felt like it. I couldn’t even tell you the last time I cooked a proper meal for myself.

I know I say this a lot, and it seems that I’m really bad at listening to my own advice, but the fact is that this is life sometimes. Sometimes I feel really good. My back doesn’t hurt, which makes me feel good, which makes me feel like taking care of myself to prevent future pain. And sometimes the pain creeps up on me, stabs me, and leaves me to wallow in self-pity and self-sabotage.

I’d like to blame my newfound obsession with soapmaking on all of my problems. It’s a lot of standing which definitely has adverse effects on my pain threshold. I feel like it’s sapped my creativity in any other area because I’ve poured myself into it fully. But looking at it logically, it’s obvious that the act of soapmaking is not the problem – it’s me. I’m too all-or-nothing with everything. I become obsessed with whatever I’m doing, and it’s rarely anything important. Earlier this year,  cleaned my office. For a month. Just cleaning. And now that I’m soapmaking, the office is a mess again because I’m ignoring it.

You may have noticed that there was no post last Tuesday (and it seems that a lot of people missed most of this month’s posts anyway, but that’s another headache). I tried and tried to write, but I just couldn’t. I started about four different posts on four different subject, but I just had nothing to say. Maybe twice a week is too much for me, or maybe not. What I do know is that I have to find balance in my life again. Between the obsession, the creative dryness, and the physical pain, I’m stressed and I absolutely hate it. Let’s not even mention all the work I’m doing getting ready for this summer’s markets and a few other stressful personal matters. I swear I’m not complaining about any of that, but it does all add to the mess and the headache.

And so, to cut a long story ever so slightly shorter: there’s no recipe today. I’m trying not to stress too much, and while writing a recipe is hardly at the top of my “things I’m not doing that I should be doing” list, it’s definitely on there. Now I’m just going to take a step back and breathe. Maybe eat some dinner. Maybe take a shower (because yikes). Definitely hop on the inversion table for a few. Spend a few days trying to restore balance.