The constant struggle between self-doubt and determination.
As I mentioned last month, I’ve been keeping very busy this month with several festivals, selling Molly Rose Balms products. I say busy; busy for me lately is actually making the effort to work more than two days a week. But that’s another story. I’ve been feeling really good and working as hard as I can manage. I’m not saying it hasn’t been hard work to work hard at working hard, but while my improvements are relative, I’ve done more this month than I’ve done the rest of the year combined, so I feel proud and accomplished.
I’ve made one or two great contacts this past month, too, though I’m still struggling with a lack of self-confidence in the whole world of third-party sellers. I’m painfully shy sometimes… ok, most of the time, and I’m trying to do better. I promise I’ll email them tomorrow. No, really.
These people approached me, after all. They saw me, they saw my products, they saw people gathered around trying them and raving about them. But, I don’t know. I just have this hard time believing I’m any good at anything. This lack of confidence and overabundance of doubt has plagued me my entire life. I’m 32 years old, and I still believe I’m worthless most of the time. I feel, though, that while I’m still drowning in depression, I can see the surface just above me. I know I’ll make it. I’m almost there. I can see it.
I’ve recently started doing evening affirmations again. It’s not easy, and kind of embarrassing, but I know I need to hear them. My diet is less than optimal, to say the least, but I’ve tried cleaning it up a bit lately after months of eating little but junk. I feel better. Not amazing, but better. November 1st will mean the start of the Christmas rush, and hopefully by the end of the year I’ll have some solid sellers, and maybe even a permanent market spot! Unlikely, as I still haven’t actually found a market looking for beauty vendors, but I’m ever looking and optimistic. I’ve been kind of neglectful of this blog this month (and this post is pretty short) because of these festivals, but don’t worry! There WILL be two recipes this month as well as the product review. With that said, see you then!